The Japanese government has just approved the establishment of a noodle shop featuring broth made from human bones and flesh, the Japanese Health and Welfare Ministry has announced.
Ministry spokesperson Ku Jinniku explained there were strict guidelines in place to ensure the flesh was acquired from “voluntary donors,” in an “ethical manner.” The flesh must be either body parts taken in a non-life threatening manner from living donors or else from people who signed papers allowing their flesh to be consumed after their deaths, the ministry says.
Most of the meat and bones used in the noodle soup will come from victims of traffic accidents whose body parts are now discarded as medical waste by hospitals, says shop owner E.T. Fleisch. The owners of amputated limbs or family members of accident victims will be paid in exchange for signing over rights to the meat, he said.
The shop has also already been contacted by a volunteer who wants to have one arm amputated at the elbow so that he can enjoy eating it with his friends, he said. The volunteer, Chu Meup, explained his motives. “First of all, missing an arm below the elbow is the minimum you need to get special handicapped parking rights, so it will be convenient” he said. “Furthermore the new prosthetic lower arm I will install will be superior to his original arm in that it will be internet connected and can be regularly upgraded” he adds. Meup says he eventually hopes to replace all his body parts with artificial substitutes and become immortal. “The last thing to go will be my brain after I download its contents into a memory chip,” he said.
The brain would not be approved for consumption in the noodle shop because of fears of kuru or mad cow disease infection, the ministry spokesperson said.
The Rabbi Letz Eatsum from the West Tokyo Synagogue said it would be kosher if the flesh was Jewish but not otherwise because the goyim are considered to be a type of pork. By contrast the Iman Shish al-Kebab of the East Tokyo Mosque said Muslim flesh was haram but that there would be no problem if it came from infidels. Meanwhile fathers Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick from the Japan Christian choir boys training institute noted that since Christians already practice ritual cannibalism by pretending that bread and wine are the flesh of Jesus that non-ritual cannibalism “would probably OK.”
The noodle shop also got surprising support from vegetarians. “I became a vegetarian because I hate the idea of killing animals against their will just to eat their flesh, however if the meat comes from human volunteers then I would be able to have guilt-free meat,” said French tourist Jemange Desgens.
Not everybody was happy with the idea of allowing the shop to open. “If you have a legal channel to sell human flesh it will not be long before they forging certificates of origin to allow meat laundering of stolen human flesh,” says Nowei Jose from the anti-cannibal league.
For his part, shop owner Fleisch says he hopes eventually to build a world-wide chain of human flesh food shops and restaurants. “Humans will become the most ecologically friendly and ethically sound source of meat on the planet,” he promises.